i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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