I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize