"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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