How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me I should be a condom model.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
