There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
