I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
