My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
