Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
