I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
