she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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