I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
