Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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