just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
