you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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