she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The Olympian is in my bed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
