fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
