After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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