my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
