so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
