So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize