ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
