Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
