shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
