She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
