these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
