I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
