Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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