goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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