We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize