The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
