I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
