He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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