Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
