all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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