so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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