My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
