The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
