the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
whose parrot is this?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
