i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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