The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
