yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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