Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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