Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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