How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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