i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
