sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
