I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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