I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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