I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
