quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
