despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize