I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
