'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
