Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
