Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
