I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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