she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
