God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
