oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I did not marry a roomba.
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