Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
