Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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