So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
