I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
