New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
