with your own penis?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
