Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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