It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
