i don't plan on having that self control this summer
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
