i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
