Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
