well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
