Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
