at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
