Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
