Where did you get a picture of my penis
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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