You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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