I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
