u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
