I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you never un-have a 4some
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
