They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
two words: eviction party
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
