Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
