I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
