She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
