he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
