I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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