So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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